Work it out. Be strong. Believe in yourself and you will find your own version of God whatever that may be. I am a former J-dub. I am 37 and raised 27 years in the cult. I have felt the emptiness you feel, learned it was not God that caused my suffering and for me, I have turned to my American Indian roots to find solice and peace. Find God in what ever form that you feel comfortable with. Me - I do not feel comfortable and never did, going to 'church' and sitting in a KH while some man tell us all we're not good enough, not doing enough, should feel guilty for this that and the other while I sit uncomfortable in my heals and panty hose only to notice the 2 elders wives in the other row talking about me and God knows whom else as they condemn and shame everyone as not ever good enough. Me, I feel close to God when I take a walk in the woods or say my own prayer. I do not need a man to make myths, stories and rules to tell me the best way to live. I'm a competant good individual and I know the basics to survive in this life. Be kind to others, and enjoy life. I believe it's basically that simple. Don't make it difficult, but find a source of relief for your feelings.
Best wishes,
Saint Gin
Indianapolis, IN